U Plus I Equals 69
by his last walk
Summary: "Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them." Seriously, where the hell does Hayner get these incredibly cheesy pickup lines? But good thing Seifer always has some sort of comeback for them. Usually. Most of the time. Seiner, Akuroku.


**Disclaimer: **Alright, Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me. OKAY? DON'T RUB IT IN MY FAICE.

**--HLW--**D'you notice how there's so little of these? I mean, like Seiner stories. PickuplineKH stories. Ahaa. Anyway, here's my little contribution. Enjoy. I editted-ed-ed-ed it.

**

* * *

U Plus I Equals 69**

**_1st Day_**

Hayner had finally figured out a way to catch Seifer's attention. To top it off, it was also a way to annoy the hell out of his arch-enemy. He knew how to make Seifer embarrassed, and Hayner also knew the advantages of it when Seifer _was _embarrassed.

There was something else that made him want to try this new method, but he wasn't exactly sure what. But he decided to try it out. After some encouraging words from his friends, Roxas, Pence, Olette, he finally mustered enough courage to walk up to a sleeping Seifer. The boy had his black beanie over his eyes and his hands behind his back. Surprisingly, his friends were not around. Hayner twiddled his thumbs as he got closer,

"Hey, Seifer!"

The boy glanced up lazily, lifting the hat from his blue eyes, "Huh?"

Hayner took a deep breath, put his hands over his heart, and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Your eyes are blue, just like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea!"

It was corny, but it worked. There was a long, long, _long, _pause. There was a red blush creeping up Seifer's neck and it was slowly making its way to his cheeks. His jaw dropped and he stuttered a few inaudible words. Hayner crossed his arms proudly and stood still, waiting for Seifer to get over his shock. But he never did, and Hayner walked away proudly.

Seifer did not bother him (he didn't even _look _at him) for the rest of the day.

* * *

**_2nd Day_**

The first day was a success, and so Hayner decided to try it again. This time, Seifer was standing near on the basketball court, getting ready to shoot a foul shot. He bent down and shot, and the ball flew straight through the basket. Hayner watched as Seifer ran back to his side of the court, and he shouted something to Rai, "Give the ball! Here!" He groaned when Rai decided to take a shot, and missed. Hayner kept staring, and a few seconds later, Seifer caught his eyes. He scowled,

"What are you starin' at, chickenwuss?"

Hayner grinned happily, glad that he had asked, "There must be something wrong with my eyes 'cause I can't take them off of you."

Seifer glared at him, but he couldn't stop the blush from taking over his face again, "Scram before I take _your _eyes out with--"

"Seifer, watch it!"

The basketball flew and hit Seifer square in the nose. Hayner ran away.

* * *

**_3rd Day_**

It was getting quite addicting, these pick-up lines. Hayner laughed along with Pence and Roxas as he told them of yesterday's encounter. They were sitting in class, and Seifer was in the middle of his posse, as always. He was twitchy, and he kept dropping the pen in his hand. Fuu picked it up for the fifth time, "Here."

"Thanks..."

Pence nudged Hayner in the ribs painfully, "Look, he's so out of it now. Go do another one!"

"They're so cheesy," Roxas rolled his eyes, "Where do you get them anyway?"

Hayner grinned, "Why? So you can use them too? That's for me to know and you to find out," Roxas groaned again and watched as Hayner strutted up towards Seifer. As soon as the bully saw him, he jumped up and started backing away,

"No mor—"

"Apart from being sexy, Seifer, what do you do for a living?"

There was an awkward silence in the class. Everyone heard and they were all giggling behind their hands. Even Fuu had to cover a small smile. Then, Rai was the first one to burst out laughing, and immediately shut up, red with shame for betraying his leader. But he had already got the whole class riled up, and soon they were rolling around on the ground with laughter. Seifer, however, was not amused. He grabbed Hayner by the collar and shook him roughly, "I'll get you, lamer, if it's the last thing I do. You won't be _living _for long."

Hayner gulped as Seifer turned his attention to the front of the class, beanie over his eyes. His heart thumped loudly. _He looks good when he's mad. I should really do this more often._

* * *

**_4th Day_**

Hayner cautiously approached Seifer, but this time he brought Roxas along with him. The taller blonde turned around to face him, scowling, "What? Got another one for me?" Roxas nudged Hayner forward, and the boy blurted out,

"There isn't a word in the dictionary to describe how good you look today."

This time, Seifer was definitely ready. He picked up the thesaurus by the side, "But too bad there are so many words for you. Appalling, deformed, hideous, monstrous, repulsive, ugly..."

Roxas burst out laughing.

* * *

**_7th Day_**

Seifer was getting mighty good at this, but Hayner was determined not to give up. Seifer was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed. Hayner found that it was best to approach Seifer when his friends weren't around. Right now, they were inside the school, and Seifer was _all alone. _Hayner stepped forward and Seifer raised an eyebrow, "Chickenwuss," He said in acknowledgement.

Hayner rubbed his eyes, "Hm. Y'know, Seifer, I've had like, a really, _really _bad day today. A smile from a pretty boy would definitely cheer me up," He tilted his head encouragingly, "Smile for me?"

Expecting a scowl, Hayner got the complete opposite. Seifer pulled a grin that even Hayner didn't think was possible. His heart fluttered uncontrollably as Seifer smiled, "I'm going to kill you."

Hayner's jaw dropped, "…HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WITH SUCH A FACE?!"

* * *

**_9th Day_**

"You look good today," Hayner beamed, "Just like every other day."

Seifer scowled, "It'd be a lie if I said the same goes for you."

* * *

**_10th Day_**

"You're falling for him," Pence said on the tenth day. Hayner shook his head in denial,

"You know what I'm doing. It's just for fun," But from the look on his friends' faces, he could tell that they didn't believe him. After all, he wasn't a very good liar. Roxas sighed into his hand,

"If it was really for fun, you would have stopped by now. Seifer's already making comebacks at you, even if they aren't that great. Hayner, you know better than anyone else in this group when to quit," Roxas narrowed his eyes, "But you _aren't _giving up, and that means you like him."

Hayner crossed his arms, "Your logic makes no sense."

"My logic makes perfect sense, thank you very much."

They ended up voting. Hayner lost one to four. Pence had raised two hands and voted twice.

* * *

**_13th Day_**

Hayner decided not to stop. So what if he was starting to like Seifer? These pick-up lines were fun, and it wasn't like Seifer was doing anything to hurt him…_yet. _They had just finished gym class, and when Hayner thought that Seifer was alone again, he went up to him and said,

"Do you have a jersey?"

"No, go ask Rai."

If he had asked why, Hayner would have been able to finish the line. If Seifer had said yes, Hayner _still _would have been able to finish the line. But he _had _to tell him to ask Rai, and now he couldn't ask for his 'name and number.'

* * *

**_15th Day_**

This one was long. Hayner had to write it down on a cue card and Seifer just stared blankly as he read off it:

"Fact: Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, stomach aches, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, can you _please _just say ye—"

"No."

"But—"

"No. That was lame. Go away."

"Bugger."

* * *

**_18th Day_**

"How did I fall for such a rugged, handsome boy like you?"

Before Hayner could continue the line, Seifer shrugged, "Opposites attract?"

* * *

**_19th Day_**

Hayner approached Roxas, "Do you think it means something when he said that "Opposites attract?"

His friends just walked away from him.

* * *

**_20th Day_**

"Would you touch me so that I can tell Roxas I was touched by an angel?"

A few minutes later, Hayner met up with Roxas. His face was decorated with a black eye, and Roxas shot him a strange look, "What the heck happened to you?"

"Seifer must have thought I said 'Would you please punch me in the face as hard as you can so I can tell Roxas I just got the crap beaten out of me?"

"Hayner…you know you have to stop when…"

"Still, he technically _did _touch me. It's a sure sign of love."

Roxas sighed.

* * *

**_22nd Day_**

The black eye was still there, but Hayner didn't care. Seifer was lying down on a picnic table, struggle bat across his stomach. Hayner tapped on the ground with the toe of his foot, "Hey, Seifer, did you know you're the proof that God was showing off?"

Seifer started to laugh, "Hey, Hayner, did you know you're the proof that God has a sense of humor?"

* * *

**_24th Day_**

"Seifer, I would die for you."

"Kay, go prove it, chickenwuss."

* * *

**_25th Day_**

"I will get Seifer to go out with me," Hayner declared to Pence. "Just watch. He'll like me."

Olette twirled a strand of loose brown hair in a distracted manner, rolling her eyes, "You're having too much fun with this, Hayner. Look, your black eye healed fine, but watch, Seifer will get _really _annoyed soon and he'll break all the bones in your body."

Hayner jumped up, "That reminds me of another one!"

Olette widened her eyes, "Were you listening to a word I just sai—oh, there he goes again," His friends watched solemnly as Hayner sprinted towards Seifer, who had just come out of the bathroom. He grimaced,

"Out of my way, Lamer. I'm going to be late for science."

"Oh," Hayner pouted, "Speaking of science, I need help." Before Seifer could push him out of the way, he asked, "How many bones in the human body?"

"Two hundred and six," Seifer answered automatically.

"Want one more?"

Seifer's eyes instantly dropped to Hayner's crotch with the most peculiar expression. It was a mixture between: _Ohmygod, what the hell did you just say_ and _you're so dead _and_ I need to think of a good comeback now before he starts thinking that he won. _The two of them didn't move for a second. Seifer ended up going back into the bathroom and he didn't come back out.

* * *

**_30th Day_**

Seifer was walking around. Without. A. Shirt. Hayner couldn't take his eyes off him. He already _tried _not to stare, but he found it was almost impossible. _Think of a pick up line, Hayner, think of a pick up line…_

Seifer finally noticed Hayner, and the smaller boy called out, "If I saw you naked, I'd probably die happy."

Seifer's mouth remained a thin line. Not exactly disapproving, but not exactly pleased. Seifer pulled the beanie over his eyes as he said, chuckling, "Yes, but if I saw _you _naked, I'd probably die laughing."

* * *

**_33rd Day_**

Hayner found that it was getting harder and harder to make Seifer blush or get mad. He also found that Seifer was more likely to resort to violence instead of making good comebacks.

* * *

**_37th Day_**

Hayner stuck out his fore-finger and hooked it, motioning Seifer to come. The bully raised an eyebrow, taking slow, deliberate steps as if suspicious. As soon as he was looming over Hayner, he shot him a look that meant: What.

"I made you come with just one finger. Imagine what I can do with my whole hand."

Seifer cocked his head to the side, "I know what I can do with mine." He clenched his hand into a fist.

Hayner ran away.

* * *

**_41st Day_**

They were in math class. As soon as the teacher was out of the classroom, everybody got out of their seats and started chatting. Hayner quietly made his way towards Seifer with a little piece of paper in his hand. He gave it to Seifer, and the boy read it:

**I'm good at math: U+I=69**

Seifer scowled, flipping the paper over before scribbling a response. He stood up and gave it to Hayner:

_I'm good at drawing: orz_

Hayner stared at it, "Huh?"

Seifer grabbed a handful of his hair and pushed him onto his knees. He made Hayner's nose touch the ground, "Kneel, loser!"

Hayner had the sudden urge to ask, "Enjoying the view?" To save his own neck from breaking, however, he held that particular comment in.

* * *

**_44th Day_**

"Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them."

Before Seifer even picked up the struggle bat, Hayner started to run.

* * *

**_46th Day_**

Hayner realized that with all this running exercise he was getting, he might actually make the track team this year.

* * *

**_47th Day_**

"Pinch me."

Seifer frowned, and for some reason, the look almost made Hayner swoon, "Why?"

"You're so fine that I must be dream—ow! Owowowowow! OW!"

* * *

**_48th Day_**

Hayner came to school with a swollen cheek.

* * *

**_49th Day_**

Seifer tripped Hayner as the boy was running to get the ball that Pence had thrown. He glared up at Seifer, who just smirked down at him. Hayner gave him his best pout, "You owe me a band aid."

"No, I don't, chickenwuss."

"Yes, you do. I just scraped my knee falling head over heels for you."

The look on Seifer's face was indescribable. He rolled his eyes and jumped down from the ledge that he was sitting on, "You're _so ANNOYING!" _He straddled Hayner's waist to keep him from escaping and pulled his fist back, getting ready to punch him. And so Hayner did the only thing that came to his mind.

He rolled his hips against Seifer's groin, shouting at the top of his lungs for the whole playground to hear, "Oh, Seifer! _Harder!_"

From everyone else's angle, it would have looked like Seifer was taking advantage of Hayner. The bully's eyes bugged, and he hissed, "Stop that!" He turned a deep shade of crimson, and that just encouraged Hayner to keep going.

Hayner arched backwards, "Seifer, stop it, this is _so _embarrassing! Everyone's _watching…oh, _but Seifer, _that feels so good…" _Seifer was in so much shock that he couldn't bring his fist down to shut Hayner up. His jaw had dropped and his face was as red as a tomato. With no idea what to do and with a million eyes boring into his back, Seifer stood up and brushed himself off with whatever dignity he had left.

Then he ran away.

* * *

**_Still the 49th Day_**

"You're weird," Olette told Hayner, who merely shrugged. "That was a pretty good show but you're still weird. You agree then?"

"Agree to what?"

"You agree that you like Seifer, and that you want him to go out with you?" By the look on Hayner's face, they all knew that Olette spoke the truth. Hayner sighed, pulling at his blonde hair in frustration,

"He doesn't like my pick-up lines! I'm never going to get him…"

Pence and Roxas rolled his eyes, but Olette was, again, the first one to say it, "So then just ask him out."

Hayner blinked, "Huh?"

Olette crossed her arms, "It's only six words, and you might even want to add in those three other words called, 'I like you.' It'll work both ways anyway. Look," She turned to Pence, "I like you. Want to go out with me?"

Pence stared, his eyes bugging. His jaw dropped and he turned red, unable to produce any sound. Olette turned back to Hayner, "See? Embarrasses him. So you would either embarrass Seifer, or impress him to be your boyfriend."

"My pick-up lines don't work, Olette," Hayner pouted, "What makes you think this will work?"

Roxas was the one who answered this time, "Because your pick-up lines are dumb. Even _I _wouldn't fall for them. They're kinda cheesy. What Olette says is simpler. Just try it."

Hayner picked up his stuff and started out the door, his expression forlorn, "Yeah, guys, whatever. I'll think about it tonight. But if I don't get him then, I'm going back to my usual method. And Roxas, you're just jealous of my pick-up lines. I know you want to try them out on someone." And with that he left, leaving a baffled Roxas behind with his friends.

But not before he heard Pence splutter, "Olette, did you _mean _that or were you just making an example?"

* * *

**_50th Day_**

Hayner walked slowly, this time without the confidence he usually had the days before. Usually, Seifer would pick these kinds of days to bully him and pummel him to near-death, but today, he didn't even come close to Hayner. The boy had thought about what his friends and said, and now was the perfect chance.

Seifer was behind a wall; his usual wall where he and his friends hung out. Only thing was, his friends weren't there. The bully saw him coming, and just stood there, as if expecting something good. Hayner stopped in front of him cautiously, chocolate brown eyes meeting with those blue orbs,

"Seifer, I like you. Will you go out with me?"

Seifer blinked, surprised. No blush this time, but not the usual scowl. Just plain surprise. "What, no pick-up line for me today?"

"N-no…" Hayner fidgeted nervously, "Were you expecting? I-I mean, I only did those to—"

"Get my attention," Seifer finished off his sentence. Hayner jumped; Seifer knew all along? "Lamer, everyone knew you were trying to get my attention. You were so desperate. You," Seifer lowered his voice dangerously, "You wasted one minute every day for _frickin' _fifty days just to get my attention."

Before Hayner could protest, Seifer raised his hand, almost as to punch him. Hayner flinched, but not before he saw Seifer motioning him towards him with one hand.

Tentatively, he stepped up in front of Seifer. The other boy leaned down a bit to whisper, "Made ya come with one hand," He yanked on Hayner's gold necklace and pulled him into a bruising kiss. It felt nice, and it wasn't as rough as Hayner imagined it to be. Hayner opened his eyes just a little to see that Seifer was blushing like mad. He smiled into the kiss, pulling back.

He opened his mouth to say something but Seifer aggressively yanked him closer, "No more stupid pick-up lines," He growled, seemingly knowing Hayner's intentions, "Not another word from you."

"But—"

"Shut up, Lamer, and just kiss me."

Though Hayner was about to tell him that he _wasn't _going to tell him another pick-up line, he decided not to say anything and kissed the boy. Seifer fumbled around with the front of Hayner's shirt and pushed him against the wall, deepening the kiss. Hayner almost laughed out loud when Seifer groaned into his mouth.

The two of them were so into it that they didn't notice their friends staring at them from the other end of the wall.

* * *

**_Later on…_**

Hayner found out that Roxas had gone up to a particular tall, tattooed redheaded boyfriend and said, "Hey, babe. How about I unlock your keyhole with my mighty keyblade?"

Hayner nearly died of laughter.

_

* * *

_**Editted: ****I know you guys wanted Roxas to ask Axel something ;)**. Thank Dandelion for ::accidentally:: finding that Roxas pickup line. He gave it to me on MSN. However, he does not know that I put it into "poisonous yaoi usages". No one shall tell him, right? :D

This is...something that I ran with one day? Writer's block on the other story, I'm so sorry. Read this for now? I will try and update the other story when I can. But in the meantime, I hope you guys enjoyed this fanfic. Pardon me for skipping a few days. I don't exactly have 49 good pickup lines. D:

_Phew. Seifer is hot._ Okay? Mkay. **Review me and add a nice little pickup line to make me laugh. ;)**


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